I’ve missed you, my friends. It has been a long year since we last met.
I couldn’t be here because I needed to be alone. I’m an introvert, an abuse survivor, and a woman with PTSD. When bad things happen, I need a hole to crawl into and be by myself. I need a fucking cave after this past year.
My father had a severe stroke and nearly died. He was disabled and I became both his caregiver and his voice. As an extrovert, he craved attention and social simulation. As an introvert, I can’t deal with them for very long. In my new role, I had to accept having people around all the time. People all the time.
My boss found the post-stroke recovery period to be the perfect time to become offended by who knows what and spent three months trying to get revenge. I seriously still don’t know what set the whole thing off, though I have a suspicion. Ultimately, it was a bruised ego. That much I do know.
After recovering as much as he could, my father fell into a rapid decline. We began hospice and I lost him soon after. That hurts so much more than I can put into words.
But I am coming back. This isn’t going to keep me down for long. I allowed myself to grieve rather than forcing it into a hole. Hopefully that’s good for me.