Update From the Trenches

I’ve missed you, my friends. It has been a long year since we last met.

I couldn’t be here because I needed to be alone. I’m an introvert, an abuse survivor, and a woman with PTSD. When bad things happen, I need a hole to crawl into and be by myself. I need a fucking cave after this past year.

My father had a severe stroke and nearly died. He was disabled and I became both his caregiver and his voice. As an extrovert, he craved attention and social simulation. As an introvert, I can’t deal with them for very long. In my new role, I had to accept having people around all the time. People all the time.

My boss found the post-stroke recovery period to be the perfect time to become offended by who knows what and spent three months trying to get revenge. I seriously still don’t know what set the whole thing off, though I have a suspicion. Ultimately, it was a bruised ego. That much I do know.

After recovering as much as he could, my father fell into a rapid decline. We began hospice and I lost him soon after. That hurts so much more than I can put into words.

But I am coming back. This isn’t going to keep me down for long. I allowed myself to grieve rather than forcing it into a hole. Hopefully that’s good for me.

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4 thoughts on “Update From the Trenches

  1. mjennings

    I am so sorry for your loss. You’re right to grieve…and, most importantly, to grant yourself time to grieve (work life never seems to allow us this humane courtesy — this, I know all too well).

    Reply
  2. Penny Lane

    I’ve wondered where you got to. Sorry about your father, and that work situation hasn’t been helpful. But I’m glad you have been able to work through it. Look forward to reading your blogs again 😊

    Reply

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