Tag Archives: f-bomb

Sometimes I Wonder if I’m Really a Survivor

I have found my voice, but that doesn’t mean it gets heard.

I have learned to put up boundaries, but that doesn’t mean they get respected.

I have convinced myself to operate in his world for my children’s sake, but that doesn’t make it reality.

I have chosen to play nice to protect them, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t use them just to show me he’s still the king.

Days like today, when he’s suffering from not getting his way, all he can do is attack. If I won’t give in willingly, then, goddamnit, he’ll make me give in by force. No matter what, he will have his way. It’s usually over some stupid fucking thing that I would probably give him without blinking if he would just treat the children nicely, or simply ask instead of taking.

I’m probably going to give in anyway to mediate his next rage. To protect our children. I have to choose my battles and this one won’t be worth fighting. I have to put up the boundary and pretend I’m going to enforce it, but, eventually, I’m just going to give in because I don’t have the resources for a war.

Please don’t ask me today why I’m not going to fight this one. Ask him, or someone like him, why my only options are take his abuse lying down or take his abuse standing up.

Fuck him and fuck every control freak out there that has to hurt people. Fuck them all.

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“Aww crud. I always thought by this point in my life I’d be the one making the prank calls.” ~ Phillip J. Fry

New blog, first post, yay!

I guess I should give a quick intro for anyone stumbling into this little piece of cyberspace:

I’m a mom in my 30s.
I can pass for my 20s.
Most of my friends are in their 40s.
My body likes to act like its in its (my) 50s.
Sometimes, I swear I think like I’m in my 80s.

I try to be a good person and put good out into the world. I’m no Mother Theresa, I have far too many flaws and enjoy swearing way too fucking much for that. On the other hand, I have seen a lot of ugly and bad in the world and I feel like I need to do something to balance it out. You know, like volunteering at a soup kitchen after watching a Quentin Tarantino flick. Or participating in an anti-gun violence campaign¬†between roles in his films. Something like that.

Hopefully, this blog will put some of that good out into the world.